BY: MEHR-UN-NISA (TRAL)
چمک دمک رنگ وخوشبو کاجہاں ہوتا ہے
کشمیری شادی میں ہر دل مہک ساجا تا ہے
وَن وُن کے لئے بھی یادیں سنور جاتی ہے
وآزوان کی خوشبو سے محفل نکھر جاتی ہے
پر اس تماشے کے لئے پیچھے کچھ آنسوں بھی ہیں
کچھ گھر قرضوں بوچھ تلے ڈوب جاتے ہیں
کچھ خواب ابھر نے سے پہلے ڈوب جاتے ہیں
کچھ پھول کھلنے سے پہلے ہی مرجاتے ہیں
شادی خوشیوں کا پیغام اگر سادہ ہوتا ہے
تو یہ رحمت ہے زحمت نہیں کہلاتی ہے
With sunshine and laughter all over,kashmiri weddings are a scented world. The scent makes every heart bloom with joy and happiness.Kashmiri ‘wan-wun’ creates an echoic effect of nostalgia all over .But the scene behind the curtains is heart wrenching .some families get crushed under the burden of debt. Some dreams shatter before they can be lived and cherished.
Kashmiri weddings are grand tradition rich celebrations known for their vibrant customs ,soulful wun wun ,singing elaborate wazwan feasts ,colorful, attire and multiday rituals that bring families and communities together.
They are both a showcase of Cultural pride and for some a source of financial and social pressure … a mix of joy ,tradition and sometimes excess.
Kashmiri weddings in the old days were far simpler , deeply rooted in community spirit and Islamic traditions without the extravagance seen today .There was a simplicity in arrangements and modest gatherings often in homes or courtyards rather than big extravagant banquet halls .
Traditional invitations were done with a sincere heart. Relatives and neighbors were invited personally rather than printed ornate cards via a stranger.
Instead of today’s 30+ Dishes ,old time wazwan hand fewer items focusing on taste rather than variety, adulteration and fancifulness .
Community help has been replaced by waiters and banquet servers hired from a company .No doubt they serve the best but the feelings can never be buyed with money.
The evolution of welcome boxes from (NABAT)cubed sugar to POTLI (Gouchir)to DRY FRUIT boxes to the trending welcome boxes is breathtaking. These extravagant ornamental welcome boxes cost approximately Rs.500/. to Rs:2500/. Depending on ornation and grace.
The material from these boxes is used and the glass bottles and boxes become a burden to manage if few people from a single family attend a specific and particular event related to weddings .So I wonder what for the extravagance is, if it is the adornment of dustbins rather useless items. Such kind of arrangements has proven a threat to helpless fathers.
Folk traditions –Wan wun (folk songs) have been replaced by DJs and Qawalis .In our weddings today even though if a kashmiri song is sung ,it is sung in a westernized manner so as to avoid disgrace leading to a cultural shift and cultural imbalance.
No doubt gifts were given but the concept of lavish dowry was rare. Marriages used to focus on compatibility and faith where no father was crushed under the burden of bills that are out of his reach .
Even with limited resources the emotional warmth was quite fascinating, that will light up the day.
As Kashmiris we have developed a trend to satisfy our societal status ‘’LOG KIYA KAHEN GE” (What will people say )? In response to this families feel even forced to Compete and show status even if they can’t afford it and they go beyond debt for it.
A helpless father accumulates small efforts and this leads to something big and significant .He saves all his salaries by acting on the proverb,
‘’DROP BY DROP AN OCEAN IS FORMED ‘’but to satisfy and meet societal expectations all his savings are drained into the ocean of extravagance just to put on a show.
Another worst face of the coin is late marriages due to the societal competencies.
Lavish Ceremonies, elaborate rituals and mounting societal expectations force many families to delay marriages Even after perfect match making is done ,weddings are postponed while families Strive to accumulate sufficient means to meet these extravagant standards and competitions .
Let us not adhere to old fashions and rituals.
Let us move ahead with the consideration of the meaning of Quranic Statement .
اِنَّ الۡمُبَذِّرِيۡنَ كَانُوۡۤا اِخۡوَانَ الشَّيٰطِيۡنِ ؕ وَكَانَ الشَّيۡطٰنُ لِرَبِّهٖ كَفُوۡرًا ۞
“Indeed ,the spendthrifts are brothers of devils’’.(Surah Al Isra).
It means that those who waste wealth extravagantly are behaving like the devils –disobedient to Allah ungrateful for his blessings and causing harm through misuse of resources .
The Quranic Ayah ( .(Surah Al Isra) reminds us that wastefulness is not just a bad habit but a quality that aligns a person with “Satan’s” ungratefulness towards Allah’s blessings .
Thus Kashmiri weddings can be both a blessing and a curse. They are a blessing when celebrated with love simplicity and cultural pride. But they become a curse whem turned into a symbol of extravagance and social competition. They turn into a curse when overshadowed by wastefulness and competition. The choice is ours… whether we make marriage a source of happiness or a cause of sufferings.
To preserve the true essence of kashmiri weddings,society must find a balance .weddings should be celebrated with Islamic spirit which can express simplicity in marriages.
If families adopt simplicity focus on the sacred bond and reduce extravagance , weddings will once again become a literal blessings .After all, the real beauty of marriage lies not in the wealth ,number of dishes or the grandeur of decoration but in the happiness of the bride and groom and the togetherness of their families.
والسلام علی من اتبع الهدی
“Peace be upon those who follow the guidance “
By: Mehr-UN-Nisa
Trali Payeen
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